Tommy Suggs, guitar player and bass singer for "This Bluegrass Band Suggs"

was slightly injured saturday afternoon while performing at the Possum Trot Bluegrass Festival

just outside the city limits of Thornton, Va

The band was right in the middle of "Daddy Sang Bass" when the capo he had placed on the 2nd. fret

malfuctioned, threw a screw and a spring and hit Tommy up side the head.

The true professional Tommy Suggs is, after some minor first aid and a couple of beers,

managed to get up and finish the set with a rousing rendition of "Salty Dog"

(without a capo of course, thank you very much!)

Worldwide Epidemic of

Athlete's Foot among Mandolin Players!



Late Breaking News; The CDC in Atlanta announced today growing concern over the scourge of Athlete's Foot among

the Mandolin Players community. Sources tell "The Bizargrass News" that this could effect the size of Mandolin cases for years to come.

"Because of the current size of mandolin cases, alterations will have to be made to accommodate a 10 0z. container of "Desenex".

Mandolin Players will be required to have in their cases before being allowed to enter any bluegrass festival in the U.S.

A. BanjoPlayer.

..  
Danny Barflowder was awarded "Worst Fiddle Bow Technique" at the Forensic Pathologist Fiddling Competition.

Held every year about this time in front of the Best Western Motor Lodge, Columbus, Mississippi. (unless it rains)

First known mechanical prototype of the "Earl Scruggs Tuner"

Bob Dole is a rabid bluegrass fan.

He is shown here trying out a new baby Taylor.

One of our field reporters approached Bob Dole recently at

The Bob Dole Bluegrass Festival. When asked what was his favorite music, Mr Dole replied:

"Bob Dole doesn't like jazz and Bob Dole doesn't like rock.

Bob Dole doesn't like rap and Bob Dole can't stand the blues.

also Bob Dole does not listen to classical and Bob Dole will not listen to reggae!

Bob Dole is not a fan of country western music and Bob Dole hates punk as well as new age!

Bob Dole Knows one thing; Bob Dole loves bluegrass!"









Bluegrass Musician get's Nose Hair caught in Microphone

Flat-Top Pickers Union Sues Proctor & Gamble

The Flat-Top Pickers Union filed a lawsuit in federal court today against Proctor & Gamble, makers of Clorox.

The dispute arises with the filing of a "cease and desist" order last month by Proctor & Gamble.

Proctor & Gamble spokesman Ronald Rugenowski explains,

"It has been brought to our attention that guitar players have been cutting guitar picks out of our Clorox containers."

"This is the willful de-facing of an american product icon and will not be tolerated."



Flat-Top Pickers Union President William Lowground begs to differ,

"This is another example of corporate america pickin' on the little guy."

"My Dad showed me as a kid how to cut a flat pick out of a clorox bottle!"

"We bought the stuff, why can't we do what we see fit with the jug?"

"If you want to talk about defacing an american product icon,

Last week I saw my next door neighbor take his pocket knife to a clorox jug, cut it in half and use it as a funnel

to put oil in his truck!"

"What is big government gonna do next? Keep people from using a business card as a makeshift tooth pick?

The Saxophone Banned as Bluegrass Instrument!

Legislation was passed today in Congress excluding the Saxophone as a Bluegrass Instrument.

The Bill was sponsored by Republican Congressman Willie Walden from the great state of Tennessee.

Congressman Walden released this brief statement...

"This is a milestone for Bluegrass Music, What started this was a demo tape I recieved from President Clinton

back in December of 1997."

"Frankly I was not that impressed with his rendition of "Tennessee Stud".

"The Alto Saxophone has no place in Bluegrass Music!"

President Clinton could not be reached for comment.

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